Its New Years Day. Part of me wants to be all "Super-Mom" and write an uplifting post and lists of goals for the new year, and the other half of me wants to shout - sod off I have enough to be doing without putting more pressure on myself just because of a date! I'm listening to the latter.
Recently I have been diagnosed with Diabetes. I was floored. I suppose being so overweight it shouldn't have been such a shock,but it was. It was the one thing I didn't want to "catch". My mother sees it as a death sentence. She says, you better loose the weight now or you'll end up with diabetes and loose your legs and go blind and die. Yes she did. I'm not exaggerating. Needless to say I haven't told her - yet. I suppose I will have to tell her some time. For now I am going to tell her I am on a diet. When I first put my sons on medication (Autism/ADHDetc) I didn't tell her for about 6 months until she saw a difference. Even now, she is dead against medication of any sort. I quite like medication, it saved my life, when I was severely depressed it kept me alive and I mean that! So today I told a friend of mine about the diabetes,she was very supportive, she hugged and hugged me. I felt loved and cared for. She said all the right things and then she said, you just have to take care of yourself and you'll be fine, and without thinking I said yeah I'd rather be looking after someone else, and she said well maybe thats the point you will now be forced to look after yourself for a change. Mmmm. That hit me. I would really rather help someone than be helped myself, or even put my needs above someone elses. Now I don't think I am anything great for that, but it is easier to be the giver than receiver. It has passed though my mind that I will have to mind myself now, and I smiled, Oh now I have an excuse to get pedicures. Flippant I know, but with a grain of truth. I can't believe it happened to me. Looking at me for the outside you would say something like no sh*t Sherlock - but I hoped I would be the lucky one. I'm not. I have a life long, life threatening illness. Some days are easier than others. Today was hard emotionally. I didn't get much exercises either and I feel bad about that. I am wearing a step counter, and I'm only around 800 steps today, thats terrible. On my record sheet it says, semi mobile for that amount of steps. My goal for the moment is about 3 - 4000 and I got just over 3000 on Christmas Eve. I was wrecked! I think I will be writing alot about how I deal with this and trying to make sense of it.