battling the darkness

I have been battling with depression for a number of years. Almost 10 years diagnosed but I feel it was there much longer than that. I feel it is a battle and it is darkness. I hate (I use that word specifically) the darkness. Of every kind. I really hate the long dark winter evenings. I love lots of lights on in the house, each room with a different glow. I hate the change in times, summer time to winter, day light savings, what ever it is called where ever it is, I hate it. There is such hope it light. I know it sounds a bit of a cliche but I feel it, actually feel it. I love to turn my face to the sun, winter or summer and drink it in. I don't like heat all that much but I love the sunshine. It really has an affect on me.
My diagnosis is Severe Depressive Episodes. It started off as Post Natal Depression. Oh Boy that hit hard. I will post about that another time. The PND never left. Some light came in, I could feel some sunshine, but after the birth of my second child, 3 years later, it hit again, fast and hard. Now 7 years after his birth, it has rounded out into Depression, with a side of anxiety and low self esteem. I really would like to be rid of it. I want to gouge it out, pick at it like a scab until I bleed until it is all gone. I do feel hope now, I feel it swirling around my ankles like the tide coming in, I'M STUCK in the sand though. I hope that this "safe place" will help me bring the tide in around me. I want the goodness and light to wash over me and rid me of the blackness. I feel this is a good a time as any to hope for a newness, a new year, a new beginning. We shall see ...